I finally see that Istanbul is a damned city. It's a living hell. It can happen living there to face really absurd situations, open holes to the flames of the hell. Life is hard there. Like in any megalopolis the struggle for life is hard and the differences are so near to each other that you can see the opposites at the same sight. And even the opposite of the worse things often is not the better things, but still something which is imprisoned in a standard mood and bravely is only trying to preserve itself. My best friends here turned normally (or were since the beginning?) into idiots, psychopaths and motherfuckers, but this you can not see at the beginning, you discover only later, after you start to trust them, (here they are professional hell citizens).
But of course I still have daily proofs of pure and amazing friendship. And like a flower on the shit, a light in the dark, a fountain in the desert, like a virgin in a brothel, it is something that you will never exchange for nothing else.
You said that you don't like Istanbul. You said that you don't like people there. You said that your familiar place is in the south, on the sea, relaxing at sun, drinking, smoking, being at peace with everybody and enjoying your time. I think it's not a bad plan at all. You said life is hard there, in Istanbul. Relations between people are hard and it's always a fight. How can I deny this? You are right. To remain yourself there seems a mission impossible. Because it's the fight itself which pushes people to adopt new means of struggle, very weird, but always smiling and using sweet words to each other: "dostum, kardeşim, canim"... Yes, it's true. The first struggle is with ourselves. There was a sentence of Diogenes the cynic, (who was born in Sinop) which is: "The sun, too, shines into cesspools and is not polluted". I guess you already have heard this sentence with your ears, yes, in the original greek version.
But of course I still have daily proofs of pure and amazing friendship. And like a flower on the shit, a light in the dark, a fountain in the desert, like a virgin in a brothel, it is something that you will never exchange for nothing else.
You said that you don't like Istanbul. You said that you don't like people there. You said that your familiar place is in the south, on the sea, relaxing at sun, drinking, smoking, being at peace with everybody and enjoying your time. I think it's not a bad plan at all. You said life is hard there, in Istanbul. Relations between people are hard and it's always a fight. How can I deny this? You are right. To remain yourself there seems a mission impossible. Because it's the fight itself which pushes people to adopt new means of struggle, very weird, but always smiling and using sweet words to each other: "dostum, kardeşim, canim"... Yes, it's true. The first struggle is with ourselves. There was a sentence of Diogenes the cynic, (who was born in Sinop) which is: "The sun, too, shines into cesspools and is not polluted". I guess you already have heard this sentence with your ears, yes, in the original greek version.
But which side are you, among those who make Istanbul a hell or among those who are trying to remain pure? Or you just pollute Istanbul and then run away to the South? No, this plan I don't subscribe, sorry.
I accepted this challenge some time ago. I tried to keep the line on my principles, without being made dirty. But dirty actually I got to be, because you can not say to live a place until you get dirty with it. This means that polluted it happened to be, because I am not the light but I just try to be a lamp. That's why it should be very easy now to turn definitively crazy and use all the unfair means to reply blow by blow and defend myself from this bitter deception. But I have always tried, even soiled, not to soil by my turn.
And now, as I am older than you, I feel a responsibility to look at you as a woman of tomorrow, who can not be sentenced today because getting lost is a right when you are young and you do not know other possible ways to get out from a hard situation.
I do not follow you in this destructive vortex, because respond with ferocity even to the shadows on the walls was a lesson that unfortunately you had to learn quickly and will not forget easily. But I can not let myself be involved in this game because, in my life, lessons I have received many other.
Let's do so: I don't forgive you now because to honor you is also to give a price for your mistakes.
I know, it will not touch you either I forgive you or not, now. But this is not a choice I take for today but for that day you will be back, to give a value to the day we will meet again.
For that day I hope you will have learnt to do without the bad teachers. Those who have stopped long ago learning and usually practice to deceive others: "dostum", "my good friend" use to say every 3 words, but then even in the face are not able to say the truth, even after they left the scene of the crime only a few minutes before. Wow, amazing, never seen something like that!
I do not follow you in this destructive vortex, because respond with ferocity even to the shadows on the walls was a lesson that unfortunately you had to learn quickly and will not forget easily. But I can not let myself be involved in this game because, in my life, lessons I have received many other.
Let's do so: I don't forgive you now because to honor you is also to give a price for your mistakes.
I know, it will not touch you either I forgive you or not, now. But this is not a choice I take for today but for that day you will be back, to give a value to the day we will meet again.
For that day I hope you will have learnt to do without the bad teachers. Those who have stopped long ago learning and usually practice to deceive others: "dostum", "my good friend" use to say every 3 words, but then even in the face are not able to say the truth, even after they left the scene of the crime only a few minutes before. Wow, amazing, never seen something like that!
But you really thought to fool me, me that I menaged myself in war zones and other places far more dangerous? For those for whom is difficult even to get home straight in the evening, this is a hard dare, I think.
I have no feeling for them, eminent representatives of human desolation, immoral drinkers of the wine of others (question: what was the need to desecrate that way the gift of my father, one of the purest and most naive people in the world?). Anyway, I just wish that you should soon be bored of them: this is the most overwhelming defense we have against them.
At the same time I also wish that you will not make me bored. Now this is becoming a grotesque game to disappoint me and I am quickly going to boredom. Now everything we say and do has ceased to have value for us because we do not belong each other anymore: too lacerating were the wounds. Everything you will do against us is only a scar more on your short life-story already signed.
I have no feeling for them, eminent representatives of human desolation, immoral drinkers of the wine of others (question: what was the need to desecrate that way the gift of my father, one of the purest and most naive people in the world?). Anyway, I just wish that you should soon be bored of them: this is the most overwhelming defense we have against them.
At the same time I also wish that you will not make me bored. Now this is becoming a grotesque game to disappoint me and I am quickly going to boredom. Now everything we say and do has ceased to have value for us because we do not belong each other anymore: too lacerating were the wounds. Everything you will do against us is only a scar more on your short life-story already signed.
To care of ourselves is not obvious, is a challenge. To hurt ourselves is the shortest way when the words are finished. And I can't accept this. You always say you are clever. I really long to see it again very soon.
Ah, the penance I received to get out from hell was a pneumonia (it was 8 years ago last time I was sick, since a bad flu I got in Algeria in 2002). Now I am recovering myself in Italy. My tarot master said this is a somatization (Dante would have called it retaliation). It means that I'm trying to express something from inside but I can not, can not breathe, can not take and give, but rather I have much catarrh in the lungs to spit out. And now, I do not spit for revenge, but to breath again.
Ah, the penance I received to get out from hell was a pneumonia (it was 8 years ago last time I was sick, since a bad flu I got in Algeria in 2002). Now I am recovering myself in Italy. My tarot master said this is a somatization (Dante would have called it retaliation). It means that I'm trying to express something from inside but I can not, can not breathe, can not take and give, but rather I have much catarrh in the lungs to spit out. And now, I do not spit for revenge, but to breath again.
<<Nobody feels any pain
Tonight as I stand inside the rain
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls
She takes just like a woman, yes she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.
Ev'rybody knows
That Baby's got new clothes
But lately I see her ribbons and her bows
Have fallen from her curls
She takes just like a woman, yes she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.
Queen Mary, she's my friend
Yes, I believe I'll go see her again
Nobody has to guess
That Baby can't be blessed
Till she finally sees that she's like all the rest
With her fog, her amphetamine and her pearls
She takes just like a woman, yes she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.
Yes, I believe I'll go see her again
Nobody has to guess
That Baby can't be blessed
Till she finally sees that she's like all the rest
With her fog, her amphetamine and her pearls
She takes just like a woman, yes she does
She makes love just like a woman, yes she does
And she aches just like a woman
But she breaks just like a little girl.
It's was raining from the first
And I was dying there of thirst
So I came in here
And your long-time curse hurts
But what's worse
Is this pain in here
I can't stay in here
Ain't it clear that.
And I was dying there of thirst
So I came in here
And your long-time curse hurts
But what's worse
Is this pain in here
I can't stay in here
Ain't it clear that.
I just can't fit
Yes, I believe it's time for us to quit
When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry and it was your world
Ah, you fake just like a woman, yes you do
You make love just like a woman, yes you do
Then you ache just like a woman
But you break just like a little girl>>.
Yes, I believe it's time for us to quit
When we meet again
Introduced as friends
Please don't let on that you knew me when
I was hungry and it was your world
Ah, you fake just like a woman, yes you do
You make love just like a woman, yes you do
Then you ache just like a woman
But you break just like a little girl>>.
Here above some picture taken inside the Çukurcuma historical hamam, abandoned a few years ago. Some friends there are about to rescue it and set up an exhibition. Like to be in the lonely and deserted heart of Istanbul.
Here above with a little angel found in Istanbul, Anton.
